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SCENE 1: PROLOGUE
(MUSIC: PIPER HYMN. A ritual. CREATURES arrive, each in their own fashion.)
CREATURE RATThat year… purple loosestrife arrived early, shaking its tangled locks along the edge of the river!
CREATURE TOADWillowherb, tender and wistful, like a pink sunset cloud, was not slow to follow.
CREATURE MOLEComfrey, the purple hand-in-hand with the white, crept forth to take its place in line;
CREATURE BADGERAnd at last one morning the diffident and delaying dog-rose stepped delicately on the stage.
CREATURE WEASELOnly one member of the company was still awaited;
CREATURE BADGERA watcher!
CREATURE RATAn ear to hear the nymphsong!
CREATURE TOADA prince to kiss the sleeping summer back to life!
CREATURE MOLEA shepherd to be lulled into dreaming by the sound of the wind in the willows.
(All regard the AUDIENCE. Then, all bend their ears to the wind. MUSIC: PIPER LILT.)
SCENE 2
(CREATURES produce a sign reading SPRING)
ALLSpring! … Spring! … Spring! … Spring! … SPRING! SPRING!
CREATURE RATSpring was moving in the air above and in the earth below
CREATURE WEASELentering every dark and lowly little burrow
CREATURE BADGERwith its spirit of divine discontent and longing!
CREATURE TOADEven Mole’s burrow.
(MOLE sits under a LITTLE ROOF. GUITAR simulates a water droplet dripping.)
MOLEOh dear.
CREATURE RATMole had been tidying. Mole was always tidying, and yet his little underground home was always untidy.
MOLEOh drat.
CREATURE TOADFor Mole, Spring meant Spring Cleaning -- he had to whitewash the walls, replace all the lightbulbs, and of course--(drip)--plug all the leaks.
MOLEOh bother.
CREATURE WEASELMole didn’t realize that drip was Spring, calling out all the beautiful things it could see outdoors. What beautiful things can you see outdoors?
AUDIENCEBig clouds!
(drip)
MOLEOh dear!
AUDIENCEDeer!
(drip)
MOLEOh drat!
AUDIENCEButterflies!
MOLEOh bother!
(drip)
CREATURE WEASELMole didn’t know it was Spring knocking, all he knew was that he was going up there to give someone a piece of his mind.
MOLEI’m going up there to give someone a piece of my mind! Why in the world does there need to be this much water anyway?
CREATURE TOADSo he marched up out of his little burrow, and---
(The sun is blinding, ALL give high choral “AHH” he reels--)
CREATURE TOAD (cont’d)Went back for some sunglasses-- and then marched back out to follow the pesky water to wherever it was going. He was determined, and nothing would stand in his way.
RABBIT (quickly passes by us)Hey uh, this is a rabbit crossing! Woah, hey!
CREATUREHe found a little stream and he marched steadily alongside it, and marched, and marched until--
MOLEWoah. What is this place?
CREATURE TOADIt was the river. And on the river was the River Rat.
(Mole stands on the Riverbank. Rat paddles by in a little boat.)
RATHullo, Mole!
MOLEHullo, Rat!
RATWould you like to come aboard?
MOLEOh, well, I…
RAT (offering an oar)Here! Lean on this! Now then, step lively!
MOLE (clambering aboard)Thank you! You know, I’ve never been in a boat before!
RATWhat? Never been in a—you never—well I—what have you been doing, then?
MOLEIs it that nice?
RATNice? It’s the only thing. Believe me, my young friend, there is nothing--absolutely nothing-- half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats. Simply messing… about… in… boats; messing——
MOLELook out!
(A branch nearly hits Rat, but he dodges it.)
RATNothing seems really to matter in a boat, that’s the charm of it. Whether you reach your destination, or you wind up somewhere else, or you never get anywhere at all; you’re always busy, and you never do anything in particular; there’s always something else to do, and you can do it if you like, but you’d much better not. Look here! If you’ve really nothing else to do this morning, supposing we drop downriver together, and have a long day of it?
MOLEReally? Wow, what a day I’m having!
RAT (passing picnic basket)Off we go, then! Here, shove that under your feet.
MOLEWhat’s inside it?
RATIn there? Uhm… [run on] Cold chicken, cold tongue, cold ham, cold beef, pickled gherkins, salad, french rolls, cress sandwiches, potted meat, ginger beer, lemonade, soda water——
MOLEO stop, stop! This is too much!
RATDo you really think so? It’s only what I always take.
MOLEI beg your pardon. You must think me very rude; but all this is so new to me. So, this is a river!
RATThe River.
MOLEAnd you really live by the river? What a jolly life!
RATBy it and with it and on it and in it. It’s brother and sister to me, and aunts, and company, and food and drink-- oh, and washing, naturally. It’s my world, and I don’t want any other. What it hasn’t got is not worth having, and what it doesn’t know is not worth knowing. When the floodwater comes up, it runs right by my best bedroom window; and when it all drops away again, the mudpatches smell like plum-cake--
MOLEBut isn’t it a bit dull at times? Just you and the river, and no one to pass a word with?
RATNo one to—well, I mustn’t be hard on you. You’re new. This time of year, the bank gets positively crowded: otters, kingfishers, dabchicks, moorhens, and all of them always asking me to help them with something—as if a fellow had no business of his own to attend to!
MOLEAnd do you?
RATOh, not at all. Now then! Here’s our backwater at last, where we’re going to lunch.
MOLEO my! O my! O my! Oh! Ratty! Can I row now?
RATNot yet, my young friend! Wait till you’ve had a few lessons.
MOLEOh, but I do so want to!
RATIt’s not so easy as it looks.
MOLECome on, give that here!
RATWhat are you doing, you silly animal, you’ll have us over!
MOLEI--want--to--ROW!
(SPLOOSH! Mole goes under. A shift in sound and physicality shows we are underwater. He reaches about, helpless. RAT appears! He uses the oar to get Mole, and up they go… SPLOOSH! They paddle to shore. Rat shakes himself off while Mole gasps for air.)
RATNow, then, old fellow! Trot up and down till you’re warm and dry!
MOLEWhere are you going?
RATWell, somebody’s got to get the picnic basket!
(SPLOOSH! Rat goes under again. He swims down heroically, grabs the basket, and surfaces! Mole watches in astonishment.)
MOLERatty, my generous friend! I am very sorry indeed for my foolish and ungrateful conduct. To think I might have lost that beautiful picnic-basket! I have been a complete dunce, and I know it. Will you overlook it just this once and forgive me?
RAT…That’s all right, bless you! What’s a little wet to a Water Rat? I’m more in the water than out of it most days! Don’t you think any more about it! I’ll soon teach you to row, and to swim, and you’ll soon be as handy on the water as any Duck! … Oh, don’t tell me you’ve never met a duck! Look! There they are now-- ducking their bills in the water to fish for food, and sticking their tails up! …You know the best thing to do with Ducks, of course?
MOLEUm…
RATYou swim up under them and tickle their chins--so they come up spitting and sputtering! It’s the best fun there is. Well, come on!
(MUSIC: “UPTAILS ALL”)
RAT (cont’d)ALL ALONG THE BACKWATER,THROUGH THE RUSHES TALL,DUCKS ARE A-DABBLING,UP TAILS ALL!DUCKS’ TAILS, DRAKES’ TAILS,YELLOW FEET A-QUIVER,
YELLOW BILLS ALL OUT OF SIGHTBUSY IN THE RIVER!
SLUSHY GREEN UNDERGROWTHWHERE THE MINNOWS SWIM—HERE WE KEEP OUR LARDER,COOL AND FULL AND DIM.EVERYONE FOR WHAT HE LIKES!WE LIKE TO BEHEADS DOWN, TAILS UP,DABBLING FREE!
(Here RAT teaches the audience a simple piece of “up-tail” choreo, possibly using little rubber ducks that are handed out?)
HIGH IN THE BLUE ABOVESWIFTS WHIRL AND CALL—WE ARE DOWN A-DABBLINGUPTAILS ALL!
MOLEWell, Rat, I don’t know that the ducks think very much of that little song.
RATNo, of course they don’t. Listen to what they say!
DUCK 1Why can’t fellows be allowed to do what they like when they like and as they like?
DUCK 2Right--instead of other fellows sitting on banks and watching them all the time and making remarks and singing songs about them!
DUCK 3What nonsense it all is!
MOLESo it is, so it is.
RATNo, it isn’t!
MOLERight, it isn’t! Well, what shall we do today?
RATI really think you had better come and stop with me for a little time. It’s very plain and rough, you know—not like Toad’s house at all…
MOLEToad’s house?
RATWhy, you’ve never seen Toad Hall? It’s the nicest house this side of the river! We’d better go see it right now.
MOLENow?
RATIt’s never the wrong time to call on Toad. Early or late he’s always the same fellow. Always good-tempered, always glad to see you, always sorry when you go!
MOLEHe must be a very nice animal!
RATHe is indeed the best of animals. So simple, so good-natured, and so affectionate. Perhaps he’s not very clever—we can’t all be geniuses; and it may be that he is both boastful and conceited. Not to mention he’s always got a new obsession with one thing or another--you know the type.
MOLEI do?
RAT (to the audience)Or surely you do--everybody’s got a friend who’s always going on about the latest craze or fad or fashion, haven’t they? They can never seem to stop talking about it, even if their friends ask them very nicely to talk about something else. (Solicits a few suggestions of possible obsessions. Once we’ve identified one, we can dig deeper and get some details.) Yes, we’ve all got a friend like that--perhaps we even are that friend! No shame in it. We love them all the same, of course. And he has got some great qualities too, old Toady. And look -- there’s Toad Hall now!
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